Runs: Yes

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Creme-o-crap

GMC Suburban SLE – $2,950

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The Last of the Real SUVs

Before SUVs became bloated crossovers with CVTs and plastic cladding, there was the GMC Suburban, a body-on-frame behemoth built to haul your family, your trailer, and probably a small country if necessary. This one, somehow, isn’t completely destroyed—a rarity in a world where these things were either run into the ground or converted into off-grid apocalypse rigs.

The seller claims it “drives like brand new”, and while that’s probably a stretch, the interior looks shockingly well-preserved for something that’s lived through multiple recessions and at least one gas crisis. It’s got the 5.7L Vortec 350, an automatic transmission, and new tires, which means it’s ready for another round of family duty or hauling questionable Craigslist purchases.

Buy Rating: Honestly, at $2,950, this isn’t bad. It’s cheap, clean, and still standing, which is more than you can say for most ’90s GM trucks. If you want a real SUV instead of a crossover pretending to be one, this is worth a look.

Fort Collins, CO

https://www.facebook.com/share/16AhGFAxHq/

Runs: Yes Sporty Value: Mid

2006 Chrysler Crossfire – $2,850

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The Luxury Sports Car for People Who Hate Themselves

The Chrysler Crossfire is what happens when a Mercedes SLK and a PT Cruiser have an unholy love child—except instead of inheriting the Mercedes’ refinement or the PT Cruiser’s… well, anything of value, it just got weird proportions, Chrysler-grade interior plastics, and a back end that looks like it was inflated with a bicycle pump.

This particular example has been slow-roasting in a forest of pine needles, because nothing says “well cared for” like parking your car where squirrels can claim squatter’s rights. The seller claims it “just needs a wax and wash”, which is an interesting way to describe a car that looks like it’s one strong gust of wind away from the bumper detaching itself. The headlights have entered the frosted privacy glass stage of neglect, and that suspension? Either it’s got an aggressive stance, or it’s been compressing under its own disappointment.

Buy Rating: Only if you want to experience the thrill of Mercedes engineering with all the charm of Chrysler’s bankruptcy era. At $2,850, it’s not a great deal, but at least it’s not a Sebring.

Monument, CA

https://www.facebook.com/share/16AhGFAxHq/

Runs: Yes Value: Dregs WTF

2003 Dodge Ram Van 1500 – $2,500

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The Mobile Health Code Violation

Some vans are built for adventure. Others are built for questionable Craigslist listings and hazmat suits. This 2003 Dodge Ram Van 1500 falls squarely into the latter category, featuring a sagging, stained mattress, a homemade wooden bed frame, and an interior that looks like it was last cleaned with a leaf blower.

The seller assures us it “runs good” and has a clean title, which is impressive considering it looks like it should come with a free tetanus shot. The AC works, so at least you won’t sweat through your clothes while trying to forget what’s been absorbed into that mattress. The flames on the side are a nice touch—if you’re trying to ensure you never get waved through a traffic stop again.

Buy Rating: If you need a cheap van and aren’t bothered by its past, this is one way to spend $2,500. Just bring gloves, bleach, and possibly a biohazard suit.

Golden Valley, AZ

https://www.facebook.com/share/1XcYZ2tHio/

Pimp'n Runs: Yes Value: Creme-o-crap

1985 Buick LeSabre – $3,500

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Boxy Land Yacht with a Paperwork Problem

Some cars just get uglier with time, but this big-bodied, square-jawed LeSabre is proving that the 1980s box-on-wheels aesthetic is actually holding up better than expected. The sharp lines, massive chrome bumpers, and wire wheel covers scream “old money who stopped caring”, but in a way that’s oddly appealing now. It’s the kind of car that looks just as fitting in a retirement home parking lot as it does rolling up to a Cars & Coffee ironically.

The seller calls it “excellent condition” with “a little bit of sun damage,” which is a polite way of saying the paint has been in a losing battle with the Arizona sun for decades. The 305 V8 and automatic transmission mean you’ll float down the road in classic American luxury, provided you don’t mind single-digit fuel economy. The interior is pure vintage sofa-on-wheels, with enough plush seating to make a Cadillac blush.

But then there’s the catch—the bill of sale only situation. No title means no easy registration, so unless you’re well-versed in the dark arts of DMV loopholes, you might as well slap a farm-use plate on it and call it a day.

Buy Rating: Not bad if you can sort out the paperwork. A clean-title LeSabre in similar shape wouldn’t cost much more, but if you’re willing to navigate the bureaucratic maze, this could be a classy bargain.

Wellton, AZ

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Commuter Runs: Yes Value: Dregs

2009 Ford Police Interceptor – $3,300

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From PIT Maneuvers to Parking Lot Burnouts

This ex-police interceptor didn’t just serve—it suffered. As a former PIT training unit, its entire existence revolved around getting slammed into at high speeds for practice, and now the seller is trying to convince you it’s still worth driving. The salvage title is basically a participation trophy for surviving years of abuse, and if this car had a soul, it would have left its body long ago.

The paint job is a tragic mix of sunburned white and faded black, like someone tried to disguise it but gave up halfway through. The mileage is low, but let’s be honest—half of those were spent idling with a cop scrolling through his phone while the other half were spent bouncing off curbs.

Buy Rating: Absolutely not. Running P71s with clean titles sell for less than this, meaning you’re paying extra for the privilege of owning a car that has been repeatedly crashed on purpose. Unless you’re building a demolition derby team, move along.

Las Cruces, NM

https://www.facebook.com/share/1BKmYRVCrV/

Runs: Yes Value: Mid WTF

1967 Dodge…thing – $3,000

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A DIY Disaster with Four Wheels

What happens when someone with too much time, too few skills, and a pile of mismatched parts decides to “build a car?” This. The seller says “the original owner built it and put a Dodge motor in it,” which is the automotive equivalent of saying, “I microwaved a steak and called it gourmet.” Whatever this started as, it’s now a horrifying mashup of questionable engineering and garage-sale aerodynamics.

The bodywork looks like it was assembled with a hammer and a grudge, the windshield is apparently structural, and the interior is some unholy fusion of race car and rejected Vegas casino furniture. It “runs and drives,” which is an impressive claim for something that looks like it was cobbled together using Mad Max as a reference guide. The Arizona plate suggests this has actually been on public roads, meaning there are real human beings out there who have witnessed this thing in motion.

Buy Rating: A guaranteed head-turner, but mostly because people will be staring in disbelief. At $3,000, it’s either a laughably cheap custom car or a rolling liability that will leave you stranded and ashamed.

Hesperia, CA

https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/1298202354821391/

Runs: Yes Value: Dregs WTF

1994 Dodge Ram 1500 – $1,000

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Half a Truck, Twice the Fun

This is not just a truck—this is a lifestyle choice. A 5.9 Magnum-powered, doorless, dash-less, river-vented masterpiece of questionable engineering. The seller proudly states it has been “snorkeled,” meaning at some point, someone looked at a perfectly good truck and thought, “You know what this needs? More submarine capabilities.”

Rolling on 15×38.5 tires like it just escaped from a monster truck rally, this Ram has seen things—mud pits, river crossings, and probably a few bad decisions. The missing dash means you won’t be distracted by unnecessary luxuries like gauges or airbags, and if you’re wondering where your passengers will store their belongings, don’t worry—they’ll be holding onto their own sense of survival.

Buy Rating: Absolutely worth it for $1,000 if you need a rolling party, an apocalypse rig, or a vehicle that guarantees people will ask, “What the hell happened to that thing?” If you’re looking for a functional daily driver, keep walking.

St. Paul, NE

https://www.facebook.com/share/1BV71gYzR8/

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Mid

1990 Chevy S-10 Long Bed – $2,500

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The Little Truck That Could… Use a Miracle

Ah, the 1990 Chevy S-10—a relic from a time when trucks were compact, utilitarian, and about as comfortable as a church pew. This particular specimen boasts an odometer reading of 100,433 miles, which the seller casually mentions has “rolled over.” So, is it 100K? 200K? Your guess is as good as theirs.

The V6 engine and automatic transmission are present, but with the A/C on permanent vacation (thanks to the extinct R12 refrigerant) and a reluctance to engage reverse gear, you’re in for a driving experience that’s equal parts sauna and surprise. On the bright side, it has a “newer battery,” a “clean title,” and “no check engine lights”—a trifecta of mediocrity. The “heat works,” which is fantastic news for those chilly days when you’re pondering why you bought this thing.

Buy Rating: Probably worth it if you need a cheap work truck, but don’t expect much. Similar S-10s in better condition have been listed for $7,500 to $21,315, depending on mileage and upkeep. Given this one’s quirks and potential high mileage, the $2,500 asking price is wishful thinking.

Post Falls, ID

https://spokane.craigslist.org/cto/d/post-falls-1990-chevy-10-2d-6-long-bed/7826029066.html

Runs: Yes Sporty Value: Mid

2004 Mazda Miata – $2,500

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30K Miles of Mystery and Misery

On paper, this looks like a dream find—a low-mileage NB Miata with only 30K miles. In reality? It’s a beaten-up, sun-fried husk of a car that’s been through more hardship than a Craigslist landlord. The seller says it “needs a full overhaul body paint interior,” which is an optimistic way of saying this car looks like it was parked inside a volcano.

The top has holes, the interior is “okay” (which is Craigslist for disgusting), and tags are owed—so be prepared to pay extra just to get this thing legal. Oh, and it has lien sale paperwork, which is the red flag equivalent of a marching band at full volume.

Buy Rating: A tempting deal, but approach with extreme caution. Running NB Miatas with clean titles and decent condition go for $5,000–$8,000, meaning this one is either a steal or a money pit cleverly disguised as a roadster.

Costa Mesa, CA

https://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/cto/d/costa-mesa-2004-mazda-miata-speed/7825957725.html

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Mid

1991 Ford Explorer – $2,500

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1991 Ford Explorer: The Original SUV Dinosaur

This former government mule started life with the City of San Francisco, where it was probably used for hauling around clueless interns and road cones. Now, it’s up for grabs, rocking an unknown number of miles because the odometer gave up tracking them decades ago.

The interior is shockingly decent, aside from a sagging ceiling and dead window motors that have permanently committed to the up position. Seller says it’s “treated them well”—which, given the track record of Explorers, means it hasn’t exploded in the driveway yet.

Buy Rating: You’re basically buying a government surplus mystery box with four wheels. If you’re feeling lucky, $2,500 isn’t awful—but don’t pretend you’re getting a deal. Comparable 91 Explorers hover around the same price, but at least this one comes with fleet maintenance, which is either reassuring or deeply concerning.

Berkeley, CA

https://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cto/d/berkeley-91-ford-explorer/7820259512.html

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Creme-o-crap

1985 Toyota Pickup – $3,500

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Toyota Pickup: The Undying Workhorse

Here’s a 1985 Toyota Pickup with 315,000 miles—which means it’s just about broken in. The legendary 22R engine under the hood refuses to die, and the seller claims it “runs well,” which is Toyota-speak for “will still start after the sun explodes.” Body-wise, it’s surprisingly intact for a truck this old, aside from a bit of rust at the bed seam and tailgate. But let’s be honest, if you’re looking at this thing, you’re not here for aesthetics—you want something that will outlive your grandkids.

Buy Rating: A fair price if you’re after an indestructible work truck. Comparable 1985 Toyota Pickups in similar condition sell for $2,500–$4,000, while pristine ones go for over $10K. This one is listed at $3,500, sitting right in the middle of Toyota Tax territory.

 Flagstaff, AZ

https://flagstaff.craigslist.org/cto/d/flagstaff-1985-toyota-pickup/7819418104.html

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Mid

1997 Ford Ranger XLT – $2,100

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The Cockroach of Trucks: It Just Won’t Die

This 1997 Ford Ranger is the vehicular equivalent of a stray dog—dinged up, rough around the edges, but somehow still kicking. The seller boasts “never run hard,” which is a cute way of saying it’s been babied into mediocrity. With 223,000 miles of abuse, a dented front end, and a power steering system on its last legs, this truck’s biggest flex is that it technically still functions. “Perfect first truck for someone starting out,” meaning perfect for some poor kid who doesn’t know any better.

Buy Rating: If you need a cheap, scrappy hauler and don’t mind a little extra muscle to steer, this might work. Comparable Rangers go for $1,800–$2,300, and this seller is asking $2,100.

Brighton, CO

https://denver.craigslist.org/cto/d/commerce-city-1997-ford-ranger-xlt/7819848292.html

Commuter Runs: Yes Value: Creme-o-crap

1990 Honda Civic “VX” – $3,900

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JDM Bro Special: The Spreadsheet Warrior’s Dream

Ah yes, another Civic built with the precision of a Craigslist tutorial and the confidence of a Honda forum mod. This 1990 Civic started life as a 70-hp wheeze-box but has since been Frankensteined with a JDM D15Z VTEC-E from a ‘92 Civic VX, a 5-speed from an ‘88 CRX HF, and enough “upgraded electronics” to make your local Honda fanboy cry. The seller even has a spreadsheet to prove it gets 43+ MPG—because nothing screams performance like fuel economy bragging. The body’s got 220K miles of door dings and questionable decisions, and the instrument cluster swap means you’ll never actually know how far this thing has traveled through hell.

Buy Rating: If your dream is hyper-miling your way into irrelevance, this is your car. Comparable Frankensteined Civics list for $3,000–$3,500, and this seller wants $3,900 for a rolling JDM fanfiction.

Littleton, CO

https://denver.craigslist.org/cto/d/littleton-1990-honda-civic-vx/7825063781.html

Commuter Runs: Yes Value: Creme-o-crap

1985 Mercedes 300D Turbodiesel – $3,450

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The German Tank That Won’t Quit

This 1985 Mercedes 300D Turbodiesel is a rolling testament to overengineering and stubborn longevity. With 256,554 miles under its belt, “Goldie” isn’t a garage queen, but it still delivers that classic diesel charm, straight-piped into your soul. Fun fact: W123 Mercs are known for being indestructible—this one’s halfway to qualifying for immortal status.

Buy Rating: Solid buy for diesel lovers or anyone who appreciates a tank on wheels. Comparable models go for $3,000–$3,600, and this seller is asking $3,450.