GMC Suburban SLE – $2,950

2006 Chrysler Crossfire – $2,850

2003 Dodge Ram Van 1500 – $2,500

1985 Buick LeSabre – $3,500

2009 Pontiac G5 – $3,750

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Creme-o-crap

GMC Suburban SLE – $2,950

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The Last of the Real SUVs

Before SUVs became bloated crossovers with CVTs and plastic cladding, there was the GMC Suburban, a body-on-frame behemoth built to haul your family, your trailer, and probably a small country if necessary. This one, somehow, isn’t completely destroyed—a rarity in a world where these things were either run into the ground or converted into off-grid apocalypse rigs.

The seller claims it “drives like brand new”, and while that’s probably a stretch, the interior looks shockingly well-preserved for something that’s lived through multiple recessions and at least one gas crisis. It’s got the 5.7L Vortec 350, an automatic transmission, and new tires, which means it’s ready for another round of family duty or hauling questionable Craigslist purchases.

Buy Rating: Honestly, at $2,950, this isn’t bad. It’s cheap, clean, and still standing, which is more than you can say for most ’90s GM trucks. If you want a real SUV instead of a crossover pretending to be one, this is worth a look.

Fort Collins, CO

https://www.facebook.com/share/16AhGFAxHq/

Runs: Yes Sporty Value: Mid

2006 Chrysler Crossfire – $2,850

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The Luxury Sports Car for People Who Hate Themselves

The Chrysler Crossfire is what happens when a Mercedes SLK and a PT Cruiser have an unholy love child—except instead of inheriting the Mercedes’ refinement or the PT Cruiser’s… well, anything of value, it just got weird proportions, Chrysler-grade interior plastics, and a back end that looks like it was inflated with a bicycle pump.

This particular example has been slow-roasting in a forest of pine needles, because nothing says “well cared for” like parking your car where squirrels can claim squatter’s rights. The seller claims it “just needs a wax and wash”, which is an interesting way to describe a car that looks like it’s one strong gust of wind away from the bumper detaching itself. The headlights have entered the frosted privacy glass stage of neglect, and that suspension? Either it’s got an aggressive stance, or it’s been compressing under its own disappointment.

Buy Rating: Only if you want to experience the thrill of Mercedes engineering with all the charm of Chrysler’s bankruptcy era. At $2,850, it’s not a great deal, but at least it’s not a Sebring.

Monument, CA

https://www.facebook.com/share/16AhGFAxHq/

Runs: Yes Value: Dregs WTF

2003 Dodge Ram Van 1500 – $2,500

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The Mobile Health Code Violation

Some vans are built for adventure. Others are built for questionable Craigslist listings and hazmat suits. This 2003 Dodge Ram Van 1500 falls squarely into the latter category, featuring a sagging, stained mattress, a homemade wooden bed frame, and an interior that looks like it was last cleaned with a leaf blower.

The seller assures us it “runs good” and has a clean title, which is impressive considering it looks like it should come with a free tetanus shot. The AC works, so at least you won’t sweat through your clothes while trying to forget what’s been absorbed into that mattress. The flames on the side are a nice touch—if you’re trying to ensure you never get waved through a traffic stop again.

Buy Rating: If you need a cheap van and aren’t bothered by its past, this is one way to spend $2,500. Just bring gloves, bleach, and possibly a biohazard suit.

Golden Valley, AZ

https://www.facebook.com/share/1XcYZ2tHio/

Pimp'n Runs: Yes Value: Creme-o-crap

1985 Buick LeSabre – $3,500

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Boxy Land Yacht with a Paperwork Problem

Some cars just get uglier with time, but this big-bodied, square-jawed LeSabre is proving that the 1980s box-on-wheels aesthetic is actually holding up better than expected. The sharp lines, massive chrome bumpers, and wire wheel covers scream “old money who stopped caring”, but in a way that’s oddly appealing now. It’s the kind of car that looks just as fitting in a retirement home parking lot as it does rolling up to a Cars & Coffee ironically.

The seller calls it “excellent condition” with “a little bit of sun damage,” which is a polite way of saying the paint has been in a losing battle with the Arizona sun for decades. The 305 V8 and automatic transmission mean you’ll float down the road in classic American luxury, provided you don’t mind single-digit fuel economy. The interior is pure vintage sofa-on-wheels, with enough plush seating to make a Cadillac blush.

But then there’s the catch—the bill of sale only situation. No title means no easy registration, so unless you’re well-versed in the dark arts of DMV loopholes, you might as well slap a farm-use plate on it and call it a day.

Buy Rating: Not bad if you can sort out the paperwork. A clean-title LeSabre in similar shape wouldn’t cost much more, but if you’re willing to navigate the bureaucratic maze, this could be a classy bargain.

Wellton, AZ

https://www.facebook.com/share/1XcYZ2tHio/

Runs: Nah Sporty Value: Dregs

2009 Pontiac G5 – $3,750

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Pre-Gutted for Your 24 Hours of Lemons DNF

This Pontiac G5 has been thoroughly violated in the name of budget racing, and now the seller wants you to pay nearly four grand for the privilege of inheriting their unfinished disaster. With “four nights on the whole car,” it’s already seen more walls than a Roomba, and it “needs a transmission but will come with one,” meaning you’re not just buying a car—you’re buying a weekend of swearing and busted knuckles just to get this thing moving again.

The racing harness is expired, which is perfect, because that matches the rest of the car’s usefulness. The hood-mounted spare tire is a nice touch, adding both aerodynamic instability and the unmistakable scent of desperation. This is the kind of car that gets black-flagged at 24 Hours of Lemons before it even finishes tech inspection, assuming it even makes it there without falling off the trailer.

Buy Rating: Absolutely not. For $3,750, you could buy a running beater, gut it yourself, and still have enough left over for beer and bribes to the Lemons judges. If you pay asking price for this, you deserve to be laughed out of the paddock.

McCook, NE

https://www.facebook.com/share/1XcYZ2tHio/

Commuter Runs: Yes Value: Dregs

2009 Ford Police Interceptor – $3,300

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From PIT Maneuvers to Parking Lot Burnouts

This ex-police interceptor didn’t just serve—it suffered. As a former PIT training unit, its entire existence revolved around getting slammed into at high speeds for practice, and now the seller is trying to convince you it’s still worth driving. The salvage title is basically a participation trophy for surviving years of abuse, and if this car had a soul, it would have left its body long ago.

The paint job is a tragic mix of sunburned white and faded black, like someone tried to disguise it but gave up halfway through. The mileage is low, but let’s be honest—half of those were spent idling with a cop scrolling through his phone while the other half were spent bouncing off curbs.

Buy Rating: Absolutely not. Running P71s with clean titles sell for less than this, meaning you’re paying extra for the privilege of owning a car that has been repeatedly crashed on purpose. Unless you’re building a demolition derby team, move along.

Las Cruces, NM

https://www.facebook.com/share/1BKmYRVCrV/

Runs: Yes Value: Mid WTF

1967 Dodge…thing – $3,000

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A DIY Disaster with Four Wheels

What happens when someone with too much time, too few skills, and a pile of mismatched parts decides to “build a car?” This. The seller says “the original owner built it and put a Dodge motor in it,” which is the automotive equivalent of saying, “I microwaved a steak and called it gourmet.” Whatever this started as, it’s now a horrifying mashup of questionable engineering and garage-sale aerodynamics.

The bodywork looks like it was assembled with a hammer and a grudge, the windshield is apparently structural, and the interior is some unholy fusion of race car and rejected Vegas casino furniture. It “runs and drives,” which is an impressive claim for something that looks like it was cobbled together using Mad Max as a reference guide. The Arizona plate suggests this has actually been on public roads, meaning there are real human beings out there who have witnessed this thing in motion.

Buy Rating: A guaranteed head-turner, but mostly because people will be staring in disbelief. At $3,000, it’s either a laughably cheap custom car or a rolling liability that will leave you stranded and ashamed.

Hesperia, CA

https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/1298202354821391/

Runs: Yes Value: Dregs WTF

1994 Dodge Ram 1500 – $1,000

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Half a Truck, Twice the Fun

This is not just a truck—this is a lifestyle choice. A 5.9 Magnum-powered, doorless, dash-less, river-vented masterpiece of questionable engineering. The seller proudly states it has been “snorkeled,” meaning at some point, someone looked at a perfectly good truck and thought, “You know what this needs? More submarine capabilities.”

Rolling on 15×38.5 tires like it just escaped from a monster truck rally, this Ram has seen things—mud pits, river crossings, and probably a few bad decisions. The missing dash means you won’t be distracted by unnecessary luxuries like gauges or airbags, and if you’re wondering where your passengers will store their belongings, don’t worry—they’ll be holding onto their own sense of survival.

Buy Rating: Absolutely worth it for $1,000 if you need a rolling party, an apocalypse rig, or a vehicle that guarantees people will ask, “What the hell happened to that thing?” If you’re looking for a functional daily driver, keep walking.

St. Paul, NE

https://www.facebook.com/share/1BV71gYzR8/

Runs: Kind of Utility Value: Dregs

1996 Toyota RAV4 Sport – $900

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Suspension by Optimism, Price by Desperation

This first-gen Toyota RAV4 has survived 219,000 miles, but its suspension clearly gave up somewhere along the way. The rear wheels are bowing out thanks to rusted spring mounts, but don’t worry—the seller is throwing in a donor car’s rear section, because nothing says “easy fix” like needing an entire chunk of another vehicle.

The ad insists it “runs great,” which is a bold claim for something that lists “rear wheels might fall off” as a known issue. It has a new battery, fuel pump, and studded snow tires, meaning it’s technically prepared for winter—assuming the suspension doesn’t eject itself before the first snowfall. At least the Kenwood stereo works, so you’ll have something nice to listen to while wondering why you bought this.

Buy Rating: Dirt cheap for a reason. Cleaner first-gen RAV4s go for $2,500–$4,000, so if you’re willing to become a part-time welder, this might be a steal. Otherwise, consider it a $900 gamble with questionable odds.

Steamboat Springs, CO

https://www.facebook.com/share/1BV71gYzR8/

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Mid

1990 Chevy S-10 Long Bed – $2,500

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The Little Truck That Could… Use a Miracle

Ah, the 1990 Chevy S-10—a relic from a time when trucks were compact, utilitarian, and about as comfortable as a church pew. This particular specimen boasts an odometer reading of 100,433 miles, which the seller casually mentions has “rolled over.” So, is it 100K? 200K? Your guess is as good as theirs.

The V6 engine and automatic transmission are present, but with the A/C on permanent vacation (thanks to the extinct R12 refrigerant) and a reluctance to engage reverse gear, you’re in for a driving experience that’s equal parts sauna and surprise. On the bright side, it has a “newer battery,” a “clean title,” and “no check engine lights”—a trifecta of mediocrity. The “heat works,” which is fantastic news for those chilly days when you’re pondering why you bought this thing.

Buy Rating: Probably worth it if you need a cheap work truck, but don’t expect much. Similar S-10s in better condition have been listed for $7,500 to $21,315, depending on mileage and upkeep. Given this one’s quirks and potential high mileage, the $2,500 asking price is wishful thinking.

Post Falls, ID

https://spokane.craigslist.org/cto/d/post-falls-1990-chevy-10-2d-6-long-bed/7826029066.html

Runs: Yes Sporty Value: Mid

2004 Mazda Miata – $2,500

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30K Miles of Mystery and Misery

On paper, this looks like a dream find—a low-mileage NB Miata with only 30K miles. In reality? It’s a beaten-up, sun-fried husk of a car that’s been through more hardship than a Craigslist landlord. The seller says it “needs a full overhaul body paint interior,” which is an optimistic way of saying this car looks like it was parked inside a volcano.

The top has holes, the interior is “okay” (which is Craigslist for disgusting), and tags are owed—so be prepared to pay extra just to get this thing legal. Oh, and it has lien sale paperwork, which is the red flag equivalent of a marching band at full volume.

Buy Rating: A tempting deal, but approach with extreme caution. Running NB Miatas with clean titles and decent condition go for $5,000–$8,000, meaning this one is either a steal or a money pit cleverly disguised as a roadster.

Costa Mesa, CA

https://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/cto/d/costa-mesa-2004-mazda-miata-speed/7825957725.html

Project Runs: Nah Value: Creme-o-crap

1970 Honda AN600 – $2,500

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The Adorable Death Trap with a Rod Knock

Ah yes, the Honda AN600—Japan’s answer to “how small can a car be before it’s legally considered footwear?” This pint-sized relic of the early ‘70s is powered by a 600cc twin-cylinder engine, which—when new—offered all the horsepower of a strong leaf blower. But don’t worry, you won’t have to deal with its gutless performance, because this one has a “terrible Rod knock”—which is Craigslist code for “this engine is one cold start away from total annihilation.”

The body is described as “pretty decent”, which is a bold claim for a primered-out shoebox that looks like it was left in a field for a decade. But hey, the manual transmission still exists, and the missing title ensures you get a free scavenger hunt with purchase.

Buy Rating: A charming but overpriced lawn ornament. Honda N600s in running condition have recently sold for prices ranging from $8,800 to $25,000, depending on their condition and originality. Given this one’s severe rod knock and missing title, it’s more of a project than a car.

Lincoln, CA

https://sacramento.craigslist.org/cto/d/lincoln-1970-honda-car-an600/7823706312.html

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Mid

1991 Ford Explorer – $2,500

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1991 Ford Explorer: The Original SUV Dinosaur

This former government mule started life with the City of San Francisco, where it was probably used for hauling around clueless interns and road cones. Now, it’s up for grabs, rocking an unknown number of miles because the odometer gave up tracking them decades ago.

The interior is shockingly decent, aside from a sagging ceiling and dead window motors that have permanently committed to the up position. Seller says it’s “treated them well”—which, given the track record of Explorers, means it hasn’t exploded in the driveway yet.

Buy Rating: You’re basically buying a government surplus mystery box with four wheels. If you’re feeling lucky, $2,500 isn’t awful—but don’t pretend you’re getting a deal. Comparable 91 Explorers hover around the same price, but at least this one comes with fleet maintenance, which is either reassuring or deeply concerning.

Berkeley, CA

https://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cto/d/berkeley-91-ford-explorer/7820259512.html

Project Runs: Kind of Value: Mid

1982 Honda Prelude – $3,500

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1982 Honda Prelude: A Prelude to Regret

This 1982 Honda Prelude is a relic from an era when shoulder pads were big, and car performance was… not. With an odometer reading that’s probably rolled over more times than you can count, this “classic” boasts a faded paint job that screams neglect. The interior? Let’s just say it’s seen better days, with upholstery that looks like it’s been through a war zone. The seller claims it “runs and drives,” but that’s about as reassuring as a politician’s promise.

Buy Rating: Only if you’re a masochist with a penchant for early ’80s mediocrity. Comparable 1982 Preludes in pristine condition have been listed for $24,777 to $34,000, but given this one’s likely state, it’s generously priced at $3,500.

Vancouver

https://portland.craigslist.org/clk/cto/d/vancouver-1982-honda-prelude-classic/7825926296.html

Runs: Yes Utility Value: Creme-o-crap

1985 Toyota Pickup – $3,500

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Toyota Pickup: The Undying Workhorse

Here’s a 1985 Toyota Pickup with 315,000 miles—which means it’s just about broken in. The legendary 22R engine under the hood refuses to die, and the seller claims it “runs well,” which is Toyota-speak for “will still start after the sun explodes.” Body-wise, it’s surprisingly intact for a truck this old, aside from a bit of rust at the bed seam and tailgate. But let’s be honest, if you’re looking at this thing, you’re not here for aesthetics—you want something that will outlive your grandkids.

Buy Rating: A fair price if you’re after an indestructible work truck. Comparable 1985 Toyota Pickups in similar condition sell for $2,500–$4,000, while pristine ones go for over $10K. This one is listed at $3,500, sitting right in the middle of Toyota Tax territory.

 Flagstaff, AZ

https://flagstaff.craigslist.org/cto/d/flagstaff-1985-toyota-pickup/7819418104.html

Project Runs: Nah Value: Dregs

1986 Nissan 300ZX – $1,000

6 Comments

Nissan 300ZX: Now With Bonus Wildlife Infestation

This 1986 Nissan 300ZX was once a sleek, wedge-shaped missile—now it’s just a glorified mouse hotel. The seller lost the key (sure) but swears it was running at some point, which is Craigslist code for “bring a trailer and a priest.” If the rats chewing through the harness weren’t enough, this one’s cursed with an automatic transmission, ensuring maximum disappointment. It’s a project, alright—one that starts with a fumigation tent and ends in regret.

Buy Rating: Only if you love rebuilding electrical harnesses and dealing with mysterious “it was running once” claims. Comparable dead 300ZXs sell for $500–$800, and this seller wants $1,000 for a rodent-infested paperweight.

 Costa Mesa, CA

https://orangecounty.craigslist.org/cto/d/costa-mesa-1986-nissan-300zx/7825972551.html